Nonsense Poems (or just nonsense) and Jokes

[Squall]

One bright day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
drew there swords and shot each other.

One was blind the other couldn't see,
they chose a dummy as the referee.
A blind man came to watch fair play,
a dumb man came to shout hooray.

A paralysed donkey who was passing by,
kicked the blind one in the eye.
Knocked him through nine inch wall,
into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

A deaf policeman who heard the noise,
came to arrest the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this story is true,
ask the blind man he saw it too.

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.
Ladles and jelly spoons.
I stand on a speech to make a playform,
to tell you something I no nothing about.

There will be an open air meeting in the town hall today.
admission is free you can pay at the door we'll give you a seat and you can sit on the floor.

So long forever I'll be back in a minute,then he jumped on his bike and walked away

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post any nonsense (poems) here if you know any.

any other jokes will do

[Kong]

I memorized this and a lot of other junk when I was a teenager.

Ladies and gentleman
Hobos and tramps
Cross eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants
I come before you
To stand behind you
And tell you a lie
That I KNOW to be true
This Thursday
Which as you know is Good Friday
We are having a mother's meeting
For fathers only
We will discuss the four corners
Of the Round Table
Admission will be free
Please do not forget to pay at the door
Pull up a chair
And sit on the floor

Before you go
I'll tell you one more lie no one knows
But everyone believes
One dark night
Around about noon
Two dead boys stood to fight
They faced back to back
Drew their swords
And shot one another
A deaf policeman startled by the noise
Came and killed the two dead boys
If you don't believe it's true
ask the blind man he saw it too

[Metricus]

Impresive

One day in class Jonny's teacher asked the class to stand up, and say their favorite colors
Jonny's friend said his was green.
His other friend said her's was yellow.
Jonny said his favorite color was purple.
When the teacher heard this she was enraged, and sent him to the principle.
When he entered the room the priciple said "Now Jonny I know your a good boy, but tell me what it was that you did."
Jonny said "Well sir, I just said that my favorite color was purple."
The principle was firuious, and expleled Jonny from school.
When Jonny got home early that day his mother asked him what was wrong.
Again Jonny said his favorite color was purple.
His mother likewise was very mad at him, and said "Go to your room and wait for your father to get home!"
Finally afther much wondering what was going on his father got home.
He said to Jonny "Your mother tells me you got in trouble at school today what happened?"
Jonny said "All I did was say my favorite color was purple!"
Father said "What? How could you? Leave this house!"
So Jonny was walking along the street wondering what was happening when a policeman drove up.
The policeman rolled his window down, and said "Jonny whats wrong, and why aren't you at home?"
Jonny answered and said "My parents kicked me out of my house because I said my favorite color was purple."
The policeman stunned said "I'll see you in court tomarrow."
Wondering what would happen in court he contiued to walk down the street when a hobo came up to him.
The hobo said "Jonny what are you doing out here."
All Jonny said was "Well, I really don't want to talk about it."
So the hobo said "Ok then. Why don't you come into my box?"
So he did and then the hobo asked him "Now, why don't you tell me what happened?"
So Jonny told him about it, and when he heard the story he said "Get yourself outta my box."
The next day in court Jonny told the court what happened, and when the jury ruled he was sentenced to solitary confinement in the purple room.
Just after they put him in the room the Purple Wizard appeared!
The wizard said "Jonny why are you in this room?"
Figuring there really wasn't any more they could do to him he said "They put me in here because I said my favorite color was purple."
To Jonny's suprise the wizard said "Thats terrible Jonny, but I think I can help you out."
So he the wizard took him to a special purple place, and said "Just cross the purple plain, walk through the purple meadow, over the purple bridge, cross the purple road, find the purple tree, climb it, find the purple box, open it, take out the purple letter, and bring it back here."
So jonny did every thing the wizard told him, and found the purple letter.
Jonney then preceded to close the purple box, climb down the purple tree, and cross the purple road.
When he got hit by a purple bus!
So the moral of this story always look both ways before crossing the street.

Thats probably the wierdest thing I've ever memorized.

[Squall]

bit long, but here goes: .
Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

. I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we're through with it.

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die

.Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Jesus loves you! It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

When blondes have more fun do they know it?

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.

Jesus is coming! Look Busy.

My Wild Oats Have turned to Shredded Wheat!

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of it.

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

There's no future in time travel.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Polynesia -- memory loss in parrots.

A good pun is its own reword.

Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

I have friends who swear they dream in color...It's just a pigment of their imagination.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.

Karaoke is Japanese for "Tone Deaf"

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.

A day without sunshine is like night.

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys

As I said before, I never repeat myself. As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.

Bigamy: one wife too many.Monogamy: same thing

Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.

Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.

Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.

Clones are people two.

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Friction can be a drag sometimes.

He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

I bet you I could stop gambling.

I couldn't care less about apathy.

Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.

I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.

If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.

[Metricus]

I had several of those that I wanted to put up, but as I read your list I realived that you had already put up all of mine.

[Squall]

awesome! it is long, isnt it?

[Metricus]

I thnik I thought of some earlyer, but I can't remember them anymore.